Update on the 27th of July, 2020

If I ever post anything brash I just want everyone to know I am very aware I am currently and have always been a supreme loser. I was never in a clique. I never wanted to be in a clique. I played sports but I excelled in academics. I had jock friends but I also hung out with drama folks. People used to call me gay constantly and after awhile I would just respond, “some of my favorite people are gay, thank you!”

Point is I am a stand-up comedian. I have no home and no affiliation just like all the great stand-ups. I wish I had been better at the one thing that has brought me true happiness. I wish I had made more of a name for myself. This post is not one looking for attention or people to tell me positive affirmations. I am too smart to continually make the same mistakes but such a fuck up it never stops.
Why would anyone who knows better fall in love? Why would anyone who knows better let someone verbally, mentally, and physically abuse them for a year? Why would anyone who knows better continually postpone the one thing that has ever made them genuinely joyful, in my case stand-up comedy.

These are questions I have an eternity to figure out. I have been very lucky in life to have a family that supports my passion. I have been very lucky in so many aspects of my random lottery drawing of existence. I am wrong to complain and so I can’t, but I sure wish I had been smarter. Thirty-four years old and still making the same stupid fucking mistakes!

Stand-up comedy will return someday and not in this watered down bullshit half-capacity style with face masks, or in the zoom teleconference style so many people are relying on to get their fix. I get it. The need to supplement with whatever semblance of what stand-up comedy was. I just refuse to do it, not because I am better but because I know it’s nothing close to what I need. Placebo doesn’t work if you are aware it’s just sugar.

Please remember to tip the wait staff when you do go back and stop being such jerks to them. Servers in comedy clubs are some of the coolest and hard working in that business. Tip them big and say thank you for working that magic!

Andrew Burnette

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